Personal Development

What is Your Code of Conduct?

No Comments » Written on June 24th, 2011 by Brick
Categories: Articles, Inspiration, Personal Development
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I got a Kindle for father's day and I really like it. I can't quite explain why, maybe it's the eInk screen (no glare, no back-lit eye fatigue), or maybe it's just because it is single purposed around reading books). In any event, I downloaded The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin - you know the guy: one of the founding fathers of the United States of America. He's on the $100 bill! The book has been very inspiring, and one section in particular has resonated with me: the art of virtue. Benjamin Franklin articulated for himself a list of virtues, and what they meant for him. These are the standards he tried to live by (admitting failure on several occasions!). He even went so far as to devise a scheme to measure his progress in living up to this personal code of conduct. Given his success in life, perhaps a personal code of conduct is something we should all articulate for ourselves. Here is Benjamin Franklin's:

  1. TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
  2. SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
  3. ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
  4. RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
  5. FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
  6. INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
  7. SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
  8. JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
  9. MODERATION. Avoid extreams; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
  10. CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.
  11. TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
  12. CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dulness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.
  13. HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

I see a little bit of Zen Habits in this list, specifically Ben's item on Resolution: isn't this just like purposing your day by articulating your Most Import Task? What is your code of conduct? What would you add or change in Mr. Franklin's list of virtues?

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Why I Don’t Give A Shit

No Comments » Written on April 25th, 2011 by Brick
Categories: Articles, Inspiration, Personal Development
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are you sure?This is perhaps the most refreshing blog post I've read in a long time: Julien Smith's Complete Guide to Not Giving a Fuck. Very timely as I've just gone through a period where I was deeply concerned about what people were thinking about me, and it was driving me nuts. Julien's advice: people are judging you right now and there is nothing you can do about it. Furthermore, you don't need everyone to like you. The part on focusing on the people who actually care about you is priceless (think of the people you can - and probably do unfortunately - take for granted). You must read Julien's guide right now!

Note: My first reaction was not to use a swear word in the title, or quote the actual title of Julien's post because of the F bomb, but Julien makes a great point about that too: don't hide your true voice, the eye you feel watching you can do only that - watch. So fuck it, here's to Julien!

Creative Commons License photo credit: Verano y mil tormentas.

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3 Ways to Deal With Crap

1 Comment » Written on April 21st, 2011 by Brick
Categories: Articles, Personal Development
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We've all had to deal with crap: difficult people like a tyrannical boss or scheming coworkers and/or difficult situations like losing a job, trouble with your child at school, or even the loss of a loved one (whether through a breakup or even death). How we deal with crap says a lot about who we are. Often we don't even know how to consciously deal with difficult people and situations and we fall back on our unconscious learned/automatic responses. Its helpful to consider our options when dealing with being hit by something bad. There are three things we can do:

  1. Try to avoid the crap. This is when you try not to come in contact with the thing causing you distress: for example, staying clear of that difficult boss, trying to stay in everyone's good books lest they speak ill of you or scheme behind your back, or simply shutting out feelings of sadness, loss or anger. Sometimes this method manifests itself in excuses.
  2. Be a victim. This is when you allow yourself to be hit. Your boss may be arrogant and unfair, your colleagues may be saying false things about you, you may be utterly depressed that your partner left you but at least you are right. Everyone can see that you are the victim and not the aggressor. At least you will have well earned pity and sympathy. Others might go out of their way to feel sorry for you and maybe help you stand up again.
  3. Make space for the crap. This is when you accept the difficult person or difficult situation. It's a fact and you work around it. The only way to make space for bad things is to accept that it is there and to act to get out of crap's way, whether it be physically, emotionally or psychologically.

The first two methods are the usual responses we have when faced by bad things. They are also the two options where the crap persists or impacts us directly. The last option requires that we take responsibility for the difficult thing and deal with it. It's also the only option for having any power over it.

Enough preaching! How about an example: I remember a moment years ago when I was confronted by two friends, and they were upset about something I said or did. They confronted me at a party and I felt literally trapped - I'd have to explain myself (an excuse - i.e. avoid the issue), or sit there and take their rage (be a victim - maybe others would see this and think not so nice of my friends). In a moment of clarity, I realized there was another option, I could make space for their anger, in fact I could make a lot of space for their anger by simply turning around and leaving! I didn't try to make them less angry, I didn't allow myself to become the victim, I simply accepted that they were upset and made space for it in my life by turning around and walking away from the confrontation. I wasn't avoiding their anger, I made a decision not to care about it, but accepting that they would continue to be upset.

Please Tell Me There Is A Video

Yes, there is a helpful video segment to today's post! Dealing with bad things is a lot like dealing with being physically hit: you can try to avoid the punch, sit there and take it, or as many martial arts such as Akido would teach, make space for the hit - work with the hit, not against it. In this segment from the Tonight Show in 1973, Werner Erhard demonstrates for guest host John Denver how you can deal with being hit (it comes after the first commercial break, so watch the video to the end):

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How To Market Your Personal Brand: A Case Study

2 comments Written on March 23rd, 2011 by Brick
Categories: Articles, Marketing, Personal Development
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My original title for this post was How To Become A Self Promoting Slut. I thought it would be bold and a lot more attention grabbing than “Marketing Your Brand” which is what this post is about. Just so you know, I even went to the trouble of seeing what other people on the web thought of the s-word and opinions seem to be divided so I figured: I'm going with it! The original title was also extremely accurate: once you have developed your personal brand, your full time job will be to market that brand non-stop. Anyway, for this part of our 4 Easy Steps To Creating The Brand Called You, I thought I’d do something a little different. This post on marketing your brand is going to be a case study in personal branding. Even though I dis’d his home studio in a prior post, Aaron Marino, the man behind Alpha M Image Consulting and ever the gentleman, graciously gave of his time and described for me how he built and marketed his personal brand. Which also explains why I had to change the title: I was looking at the finished product with the picture of Aaron right under the title and I knew someone was going to get the totally wrong idea. My shock marketing tactics will have to wait for another day, but at least I feel better about the whole thing! In any event, on with the case study:

The Brand

The guy’s guide: image, style and fashion expertise for the average, everyday guy from a regular, heterosexual guy who happens to have a distinguished talent for fashion and image awareness.

What It Means

Aaron’s brand stands for redefining the alpha male.

Aaron’s Story

Aaron is a YouTube sensation, providing advice to men on how to manage their image. Aaron covers everything from fashion, style, hygiene and character development for the average, everyday guy. His short video segments are immediately appealing, accessible, and helpful, and as a result they garner thousands of views. He’s a regular guy with a developed fashion awareness: a guy who happens to know about cuts, fit, fabrics and threads. He teaches basic fashion and image lessons that work for real guys. As a result, Aaron has established himself as an authority on men’s style and image on the internet. Through his YouTube channel, his reach is global and he is now sought after for fashion advice and image consulting from men all over the world.

How It Started

Aaron started with a web site, blog and ebook called Male Style Guide. His early target market was middle aged, recently divorced men trying to get back out into the dating scene. As Aaron got busier, the blog became harder to maintain and he started making videos that he published on YouTube. The videos were a huge hit and opened a whole new set of opportunities. Aaron, now 35, noticed that his videos appealed not just to middle aged guys, but also a younger audience: young men looking for basic skills in fashion and image. When Aaron started posting videos, there were tons of videos and channels on YouTube dedicated to women’s fashion and style (try searching for "makeup" or “outfit of the day” and you’ll see what I mean), but there was scarcely anything on the topics of fashion and style for the regular guy. Aaron took a first mover advantage on YouTube for the everyday male fashion and style market segment. The brand has evolved beyond male fashion and style to include character development. Aaron now advocates a rebirth of chivalry to go along with the confident and self assured character that comes with looking good.

Marketing Channels

In the early days when he was promoting his web site, Aaron used Google Adwords and described it as the “best bang” for his buck at the time. While Adwords were good, the development of the YouTube channel was a game changer: his reach became global and has resulted in his business taking off. Just like the YouTube videos, Aaron recommends going after free press over advertising. He suggests emailing the editors of magazines and newspapers relevant to your target market and pitching actual story ideas. You’re helping them and helping yourself at the same time, and it doesn’t cost anything.

Highlights

Aaron told me that he receives emails almost every day now by men telling him how much his short videos have helped them turn their lives around. Knowing that he impacts the lives of others in a meaningful and significant way means the most to Aaron. I could feel a bit of the emotion in Aaron’s voice when he told me about this, and it’s a reminder that what we do as a contribution to others that is the real payoff - not the business or the money. One could only describe Aaron's videos as a genuine service to the fashion challenged male.

Words of Wisdom

Once you’ve defined your brand and your passion, think outside of the box: besides your niche, what is your “gimmick”, what is that thing that you do differently that makes you memorable. Go with it, and become a self promoting slut. Identify all the avenues and streams to get the word out!

Bonus Material!

Besides sharing the story of his brand and how he markets it, Aaron also provided some tips for the average guy on how to “package yourself”, because as we know, how you look is an important component of packaging your brand:

  • Grooming: Spend an additional 3 to 5 minutes per day on grooming. Develop a schedule so that your appearance is always maintained in an efficient manner. For example, trim nose hair on tuesdays and thursdays, trim your nails on wednesdays, eyebrows on fridays, etc.
  • The gym: Engage in some kind of physical activity for 30 minutes 6 days a week. If you can only get out 5 days a week, bump that up to 40 minutes. It doesn’t have to be the gym: it could be playing racketball, hockey, etc...
  • Dressing on a budget: Good clothes don’t have to cost a lot. Some discount stores will sell designer suits for $120 and good shoes for $59. Be patient and spend the time looking around for these deals. If you are on a distressed budget, even thrift stores can be the source of good clothes.

Finally Aaron's must have wardrobe. Every guy must have at least the following in his closet:

  • One pair of great jeans (not necessarily expensive, just great fitting).
  • One pair of black loafers that you could wear with jeans or even a suit.
  • One good belt to match the shoes.
  • One great fitting white dress shirt.
  • One suit, preferably charcoal grey (a color that could be worn on virtually any occassion).

For more information on Aaron Marino, check out Alpha M Image Consulting and definitely go to his YouTube channel. Besides being helpful, the videos are extremely entertaining. My wife and I have had a good laugh watching some of them, usually because I’m guilty of various fashion sins described by Aaron. If you’ve suffered a fashion crisis your entire life like I have, you might want to consider getting in touch with Aaron. He’s the real deal when it comes to male image and a really great guy. Thanks Aaron!

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What Are You Reading?

No Comments » Written on February 27th, 2009 by Brick
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I have no central theme or message here besides me being a big fan of reading. One of my favorite types of posts by others is when they share a book review, or what they are currently reading. Paul Kedrosky does this almost daily. At one point I virtually outsourced my book purchasing decisions to Garr Reynolds who shares some really great reading ideas at Presentation Zen and his personal blog (you will see one of his recommendations below). Here is my current list:

Story by Robert McKee: Storytelling is perhaps the premier instructional technique. In this book, McKee discusses the "substance, structure, style, and principles of screenwriting". Imagine the Gettysburg Address as a powerpoint instead of the story delivered by Lincoln and you start to understand the importance of being able to tell a good story.

Universal Principles of Design by William Lidwell et al.: The subtitle says it all - "100 ways to enhance usability, influence perception, increase appeal, make better design decisions and teach through design". Packed full of tips, each presented in a about two pages!

Toothpicks & Logos by John Heskett: "Design in everyday life". Toothpicks as developed and used by Europeans and the Japanese are different. Read this book and you'll know why.

Buddhism by Smith and Novak: A fantastic introduction.

CSS Cookbook by Christopher Schmitt: For the techno in me. Cascading style sheets are perhaps the most blatant place where the technology of the web and design meet. Anyone creating web sites and applications should learn CSS.

As Will Smith says, whatever problem you may have, whatever you need to know, someone has written about it (he also advocates running!):

So what are you reading these days?

Here's a reading tip: put the Life Sutra on your reading list. Subscribe today!

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Job Interviews & NLP

No Comments » Written on July 22nd, 2008 by Brick
Categories: Articles, Personal Development
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This is a short and rather entertaining video from O'Reilly's Ignite event. VJ describes how Neuro-Linguistic Programming ("NLP") techniques can be used in a job interview:

 

While the presentation was light, and the presenter made some humorous comments, it almost seems like the audience thought the whole thing was some kind of joke! Too bad, because I think there was some good (serious) advice in this presentation.

For me, NLP is also a victim of late night infomercial syndrome. For whatever reason, what is probably a serious, credible field of study loses some of it's luster when made available to the masses in three easy payments. I have ascribed this syndrome to the likes of Don Lapre, which I have alluded to in an earlier post. In the case of NLP, the infomercial version comes in the form of Anthony Robbins. And just like Mr. Lapre, there exists a rather excellent spoof:

A demonstration of the power of suggestion: subscribe to the Life Sutra today!

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Is Straight Talk Really Beneficial?

No Comments » Written on July 21st, 2008 by Brick
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Criticism is futile  because it puts a person on the defensive and usually  makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

- Dale Carnegie

Are you a big proponent of talking "straight"? Is criticism alright if it's "constructive"? I have always been a big proponent of both. I have colleagues from Asia where the concept of saving face is very important. I have witnessed people literally dancing around an issue to save someone a supposed embarrassment and considered how foolish it all was. I suppose in some sort of sense of being privy to superior methods, I have extolled the virtues of saying what you mean, and not talking things personally.

About a week ago, I read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. The very first principle in chapter one: don't criticize. It was after reading this chapter that I started to question this fundamental assumption I had regarding the benefits of saying exactly what you mean, especially when what you mean includes a criticism. While we could suggest that what we want to say should not be taken personally, how can we know it won't? We could be "constructive" and criticize a person's particular action, satisfied that we did not criticize the person directly. It's a nice distinction, but how can we be sure the person you are supposedly helping is making the same one? So despite our best intentions, there is always the risk that criticism will in fact be taken personally. Now consider this: what if one's self esteem or pride is all they have? When you take away, perhaps unknowingly, the last thing a person feels they have, how do you think they will behave?

One has to wonder, is any criticism really useful? We can dress it up in all the right management speak, but isn't criticism, however constructive, just another form of Monday morning quarterbacking? If we are not getting the desired result from someone, shouldn't we be focusing on the desired outcome and trying to understand the person we want to deliver that outcome, rather than commenting on what they did in the past?

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The Problem Is You

2 comments Written on June 24th, 2008 by Brick
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I was doing a little reading on job satisfaction, and this caught my eye:

Misery spans all income levels, ages, and geography. A recent Gallup poll found that 77 percent of people hate their jobs.

Source: Management Consulting News.

Perhaps we expect this kind of figure, so we are not really surprised, but we should be: almost 8 out of every 10 people hate their job! Not dislike: hate! Conceivably, some of the remaining 2 may merely tolerate or be indifferent to their job without actually hating it. It would seem a very small percentage of people may love their job. I find this disturbing. How can this not cause a general sense of misery in our society? And how can that not cause further misery and negative feelings? Let's face it, dealing with miserable people helps make us miserable too.

What are some basic conclusions we can draw from this? How about the following theories:

  1. Most Jobs Suck. Maybe it is simply a fact that most jobs are crap no matter what we do, and since someone has to do them, most people will end up hating these job no matter what. I'm not saying I believe this theory, but it's a possibility!
  2. Job Placement Is Poorly Done. With this theory, we assume that most jobs are actually ok for a specific set of people. However, we have a huge set of type "A" people employed in type "B" jobs, while an equally huge set of type "B" people are employed in type "A" jobs. All we need to do is engineer a giant scheme to transfer certain jobs to the right kind of people and we will all live happily ever after. When you consider that a lot of people are forever upgrading their skills, retraining, and/or changing jobs, this theory does not really hold up.
  3. People Want To Hate Their Jobs. Perhaps the job itself is neither here nor there, maybe people actually want to hate their job.

Theory number 1 is somewhat cool because it leads to a need for acceptance if there is to be any chance of work related happiness. But that seems a little too Zen for me. I like theory number 3. By wanting to hate our jobs, we allow ourselves to be victimized by them, and this opens up a whole bunch of benefits (yes, you heard me - benefits!), such as:

  • Not being responsible for what happens with our careers, and by extension, with our lives.
  • Always being morally right about our career choices or lack thereof.
  • Not having to be accountable. If you hate your job, then anything done poorly is a result of this distaste, not your abilities!
  • Being forever entitled to sympathy.
  • Being justified in feeling moral indignation for not being fulfilled at work.

(adapted from Psychology of Victimhood).

What do you think? Theory 1, 2 or 3? Perhaps you have another theory of your own. Do share!

Here's a theory: you want to subscribe to the Life Sutra.

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Only In Your Mind

No Comments » Written on May 21st, 2008 by Brick
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zenstoneIgnorance sees phenomena - which actually do not exist in and of themselves - as existing independent of thought.
- The Dalai Lama

 

I have always been interested in how the human mind operates. Like a car, if we better understand how it functions, we might be able to make better use of this amazing asset. For example, I started at one point to look into the cognitive processes involved in task switching (which I need to complete!). Buddhism - more of a philosophy than a religion in my own, perhaps naive, opinion - provides an interesting psychological model, because Buddhism is keenly interested in the same question: how does the mind work.

I am not trying to be Mr. Zen

First of all, a disclaimer: I am not an expert on Buddhist thought. I am not a Buddhist. I have simply been reading the Dalai Lama's How to See Yourself and began reflecting on one tenet of Buddhism which roughly stipulates that nothing really exists independent of thought. Since I am not versed in Buddhist psychology, I wanted to share my own reflections on this notion of existence. Here goes!

Wheels

Let's consider the wheel. When we look at a car or a bicycle, or the lawnmower, we see wheels. They exist, and they exist as wheels. Wheels are "real" to us, and if you said wheels only exist in our minds, we might think you are a little crazy. However, let's consider a time when wheels did not exist. As real as wheels are to us, I think we all accept that at wheels were invented, or at least "discovered". We can easily fathom a time when there was, in fact, no wheels. We can imagine a time before someone realized round things might help move other things using less effort.

If we go back to a time before someone invented wheels, we can imagine someone coming across a perfectly round "wheel" shaped rock. Looking at such a thing, we could probably not help but to see a wheel, or at least see the potential for a wheel. A person from such a time would see no such thing. They would see a rock. Yes, it's roundness might strike them in some way, but they would not see a wheel (or a potential wheel) like we would because the distinction between wheel and non-wheel does not yet exist. Put another way, if you transported someone from such a time to today and showed them a wheel from your car in isolation (i.e. removed from your car so that no notion of obvious function could be observed), they may surely see something interesting (I doubt rubber tires and aluminum rims existed before the wheel was invented), but they would not see a wheel. The wheel that you see does not exist for them. It is not real.

Distinctions

So either you are right, or they are right - does the wheel exist or not? This logical conundrum is rectified if we see that the wheel is a distinction, and that this distinction only exists in the mind. In fact, you could say that the act of invention or discovery is really the human mind creating and communicating a new distinction or organization of the stuff that surrounds us. Taken further, you could imagine that a person that lived before the concept of "roundness" was dreamed up, would not even be struck by the discovery of a perfectly wheel shaped rock because "roundness" is also a distinction. Before someone made this distinction, roundness did not really exist. We can take this even further. You can imagine a person that lived before the concept of "rock" vs. "non-rock" was created, etc. etc.

If at one time wheels, and roundness, and even rocks did not exist, we are lead to the idea that maybe these things truly do only exist in our minds.

Credits: Zen photo by Roberto Zingales.

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Spoon Bending

No Comments » Written on April 30th, 2008 by Brick
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I was reading the Attraction Mind Map blog today, mostly because of a link to there from another blog I read regularly. I really liked what the author had to say about abundance:

I realise now that the key attributes of what “being rich” really means include financial freedom, love, happiness, better relationships, improved health, etc. Money is not just an end, but a means to an end. It is only when I began to comprehend the meaning of abundance, and what I needed to do to clear my negative blocks, did I experience immense peace, happiness, joy and started to attract wonderful opportunities and outcomes.

Source: Attraction Mind Map.

So I started to read a bit further. The first post on the home page was titled Be One With The Spoon - And The Universe. The post was about attending a workshop and learning to bend spoons, "not by brute force but by the mental focus of thought." Excellent - the sceptic in me awakens! As I was reading, I was thinking there was no way I could buy into this unless there was at least some video proof. As luck would have it (or was it me willing it to be?), there was indeed a video demonstrating the ability to bend spoons by sheer mental will:

 

Well, it only took me about 3 seconds to debunk this video by clicking on one of the "Related Videos", conveniently located beside the video on  YouTube:

 

Does anyone really believe you can use your mind to bend spoons? I am open enough to admit that perhaps anything is possible, but I just replicated the initial spoon bending video myself and I wasn't even meditating!

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